Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘memory’

A useless walk at 3:00 a.m.
opens up a place
I had thought closed; and suddenly
shared moments, apparently forgotten,
strain the fabric of calm appearances.

Sometimes, it takes nothing
to trigger
a deluge of feeling,
a flood of tears,
an ocean of desolation.

The past becomes present,
the wound as raw
as when it first gaped open,
like the maw of Hell
inside my heart.

Absence becomes presence,
tearing away
at the flesh of memory,
leaving me exposed
and floundering in grief.

~ KDB

Copyright 2015

Read Full Post »

Missing Links

Have you ever felt as though you are missing some vital link to some important piece of the puzzle that is your life’s experience?

I often feel that way. 

I was feeling that way again, today, as we drove home from NYC, along the last eight miles of hilly, winding roads to our house.  I tried to recall the way I felt the first time we made that trip, as we were house hunting all those years ago. 

Nothing.  A big, blank space.

Like the space in my memory (presumably, because I’m not really certain anymore) once occupied by visions of the World Trade Center.

Or the spot, now cold, where most of the joys of my childhood once resided.

Why is it that, when memory DOES serve, it serves up only the sorrows of the past?  Why can I recall so few happy events?  Surely my life was not as unhappy as these few persistent ugly memories suggest?  Why can I not recall them?

In moments like these, when thought makes meaning of memory, I feel again the awful emptiness of the loss of things I will never know if I valued.  Every emotion is heightened, every oversight particularized, every perceived slight sharpened.  The unpredictability of my remembering, and its bleakness when it occurs, makes me wish perversely, that I could live only in the “now”, never in the “then”.

And yet, I know deep down that it is in the “then” that I am made…or unmade. 

I wish that I could know when I should pay attention to my life, when I should commit to memory the things that I will lose because I did not see their value.   Small things, seemingly inconsequential, and yet which possess the power to reduce me to frustrated musing and quiet despair.

I do not know how to maneuver a clear course through these labyrinthine thoughts to the safe place at the end of the maze.  The place where the puzzle that is my life’s experience is already solved.

Do I make sense to anyone but me?

Read Full Post »

thisisyouth

On the quest to live an interesting life.

Back Porch Reader

LGBTQ+ Romance and Erotica Book Reviews

Aramink

Engaged with the World

I was just thinking.......

Reading, watching, reviewing

Chimerical Reactions

For lycanthropes and logophiles...

azuldelmar2kr

Sailing, Seeing, Traveling and Writing

SUBDUED FLAMBOYANCE

A blog by Dr. Abhinav Majumder

Sensual Desires

Sensual Poetry

Madstoffa's crunchy house!

Part time actor, aspiring writer of poetry and prose and full-time idiot with a heart.

DoubleU = W

WITHIN ARE PIECES OF ME

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Storytime with John

Pull up and listen...I've got a funny one for ya...

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Bo Bina's Blog on Life and The Like

Letting my mind wander to past, present, and future travels...

Fridayam's Blog

A site to bring together my poems. Love them or hate them, but please leave a comment.

Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

Welcome to the Anglo Swiss World

MIDDLE-AGED MAN BLAH'G

Let's Win it in the 2nd Half!

adventuresingrowinguplate

4 out of 5 neverlanders recommend this WordPress.com site

Living and Lovin

Living Life surrounded by all I love. PEACE

Love Scenes

Creating romance for your mind and body

TIPPR Blog

A blog of original content and reviews

Diamond Mike Watson

Jeweler, Time Traveler, Author, and Why Mom Deserves a Diamond contest founder.